


Silent but Lovely

by swagumi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Crush, Fluff, Junior High AU, M/M, Minor Violence, Panic Attacks, Sarcastic Humor, Slow Build, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-29 01:59:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5112152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swagumi/pseuds/swagumi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matsukawa is an awkward four-eyed nerd who loves Nintendo and Vocaloids, and is bullied severely by his classmates. Hanamaki is a shy half-Japanese kid who's openly gay (for the most part), listens to Western punk bands, is REALLY into anime, and is threatened by the students from his old junior high school. </p><p>The two 9th graders slowly become friends after they end up in an undesirable situation. Makki gets Mattsun into volleyball, Mattsun trains Makki in Super Smash Bros, and the two finally have someone who they can joke around with. Eventually, the duo develop unfamiliar feelings for each other, but keep it under wraps to avoid losing the only friend they have. </p><p>Awkwardness, frustration and emotional roller coasters ensue.</p><p> </p><p>  <b>Tags will be updated as the story progresses.</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (just a lil fyi: italics is issei's thoughts)

 

"Matsukawa-kun, why is your head down? Are you sleeping? You always look so tired!"

"Matsukawa-kun, your hair is so curly! Can I touch it?"

_Matsukawa-kun, Matsukawa-kun, Matsukawa-kun._

Issei kept his head down on his desk, blocking out the daily tormenting and giggling from his classmates. A group of them flocked his desk like seagulls, pecking and attacking him with their harsh words. He felt aggressive hands dig into his thick uncombed obsidian hair, their sharp nails scratched poor Issei's sensitive scalp. He was being pushed back and forth in his seat like a chew toy. The curly haired boy tried his hardest to just sit still. _Ignore, ignore, ignore. If I ignore them, they'll go away like they also do. This is nothing but the usual._

"Everyone sit down; class is starting!"  The booming voice of the teacher erupted all conversation as he strode into the room to his desk. He didn't bother to actually let the scurrying children sit down before giving out another order. "Get out your textbooks and turn to page eighty-three." 

Issei slowly raised his head, looking around at all the children getting out their materials. _They flip their switches so quickly..._ He mentally thanked the teacher for saving him, and reached into his desk for his textbook. He pulled multiple books out, but none of them were the one he was looking for. Issei frowned, and ducked to look inside the desk. Irritation was instantly replaced with fear when he noticed the textbook wasn't there. A wave of anxiety washed over the poor boy when he realized he would have to _share with the kid next to him._

Issei glanced at either side of him. On his right was a girl with soft brown eyes and wavy amber hair. A boy who looked bored out of his mind with weird pinkish hair chewed his gum on Issei's left. _Girls tend to be nicer, I'll ask her._ Issei gently tapped on the girl's shoulder. When she turned to face him, his eyes instantly darted away to avoid eye contact. "Um, hi. I left my textbook at home, can we, like, share? Or something...?"  he whispered, rubbing his hands over the nape of his neck.

She crinkled her button nose sightly, and her gaze went from Issei to her textbook like she had to seriously contemplate the pros and cons of sharing her textbook with the curly haired boy sitting next to her. "Fine, I guess," the girl replied with a sigh, and Issei scooted his desk closer to hers to see better.

The entire time the two shared the textbook, the girl, who Issei discovered was named Atsuko Yakimura, kept her distance like the brunette had a contagious disease. Various snickers from around the class at the sight of someone associating with Icky Issei floated around the room. The minutes ticked by like hours, and Issei constantly glanced behind him at the clock, but the long minute hand refused to budge an inch. The boy feared he would die before lunch came around.

After eons of painful silence and trying to pay attention to the boring lesson, the chime of the school bell graced the room. Issei didn't waste any time, and uttered a rushed "thank you" to Atsuko, scooted his desk back to its original position, got out of his seat to quickly bow to the girl, and ran to his cubby to retrieve his lunch like his entire life depended on it. He maneuvered around the kids putting their desks together and receiving their school lunches and sat back down in his seat.

He ate alone due to his lack of friends, but it didn't matter much to him anyway. _I managed to survive nine years in school with no friends, I could go through three more, all of college, and the rest of my life without one too. Friends are superficial anyway, I'm fine without them. I don't need someone to eat lunch with; I like to eat alone. I don't need someone to talk about our favourite things to; nobody likes the stuff I'm into anyway. I'm fine without joining any clubs or joining a sports team. Being alone and friendless sounds... absolutely horrible, who am I kidding?! I've never had a legitimate friend almost my entire life, people thought I was scary or got held back because I'm so tall, everyone thinks my curly hair is ugly, everyone thinks my face is ugly, people make fun of me for my thick eyebrows and sleepy appearance. I'm a walking piece of garbage who's never going to have a friend in his entire miserable life..._

Issei felt a lone tear streak down his face and land into his rice. He quickly wiped his face with his sleeve and kept his head down, but more tears began to flow. After the tears came the sniffles, then the silent sobs and shaking. Issei tried his absolute hardest to not bring attention to himself, for he knew that would cause nothing but trouble. The curly haired boy casually continued to eat, occasionally wiping tears from his cheeks off his glasses. _I'm going to die alone. I'm going to die alone and nobody will ever love me or care about me._

"Hey Matsukawa-kun, what's wrong? You cryin' or something?" A narrow eyed boy with a neon green band-aid on his cheek asked with a leering grin. He was setting himself up to bully Issei, as they always do. "Did you confess your love for Atsuko while you shared a textbook and get shot down?" he teased, his voice lined with malice.

Issei avoided eye contact, and instead looked around the classroom. All eyes were glued to him, like a million small, giggling cameras that would hold onto moments like these forever. But he noticed two pairs of eyes looking elsewhere. Atsuko and the pink haired boy looked in different directions, avoiding eye contact like the plague.

"N-no," he croaked with a sniffle, and tried to clear his throat. His eyes stayed glued to the plentiful lunch his mom insists she pack for him every day, even though the curly haired boy swears he can do it by himself. "I don't know what you're talking about; I don't have a crush on Yakimura-chan."

"I bet you're lying~," the boy sang. The satisfied smirk on his face slowly fell when Issei seemed to be ignoring him, and a scowl formed on his lips. "Hey, it's pretty rude to ignore someone when they're talking to you."

Issei payed the bully no mind, and put a piece of salmon in his mouth, chewing slowly. _These guys really are a pain... How often do I have to ignore them for them to get the picture? Jeez._ The curly haired boy's tears had dried by then, and all he wanted was to eat in peace.

But it seemed as if Issei wasn't going to get the peace he longed for. The bully was getting increasingly agitated as the string of silence between him and Issei grew, and everyone was dead quiet, waiting patiently for something to happen. The scowl on his face grew to be more and more gruesome as the kettle of anger began to boil and heat. Eventually, as kettles do, it reached its peak.

"Stop eating and ignoring me you fatass!" The infuriated bully fumed, and flipped both tiers of Issei's bento onto his pristine cream uniform. Everyone in the room gasped, some people howled, others took photos and videos.

 _Well there goes all of Mom's hard work._ Issei stared at the mess of rice, meat, and vegetables that tainted his uniform. He slowly looked up at the other boy who was panting with rage. "That wasn't very nice," he deadpanned.

"You little piece of shit!"The furious bully grabbed onto Issei's soiled shirt and was about to punch the living daylights out of the emotionless boy, but his arm was caught by the teacher who finally decided to step in.

"Hayashi-kun! Go to the principal right now!"  He demanded, pulling Kenta Hayashi away from Issei and pushing him in the direction of the door.

Kenta stomped the rest of the way out the classroom and everyone's eyes followed him as he violently slid the door open and slammed it closed behind him. Once he was gone, the focus instantly returned to the curly haired boy with thick rimmed glasses and his mother's carefully prepared bento decorating his clothes.

"Matsukawa-kun, please go to the infirmary and get a change of clothes." The teacher said to the boy gently, like he was overcoming some kind of trauma.

"Okay," Issei responded, and stood up from his seat. He brushed off the rice on his uniform then swiftly and quietly walked out of the classroom. He didn't bother to look over at his classmates, because he knew all the eyes were on him, recording everything through their camera eyes. But Issei looked over anyway, and instantly noticed Atsuko. He saw her mouth a small _"_ sorry" with an apologetic look on her face just as he was about to close the door. Issei just wanted to go home.

 

* * *

 

Issei gently closed his locker, and picked the plastic bag with his ruined clothes off of the floor. He sighed, and started walking home. Sports teams were outside practicing, running around the school to warm up. People stood around talking and laughing, telling stories about their day. Friends waited for each other to walk home together, busily chatting about anything and everything. Issei just kept his head down, weakly waving when a teacher tried to say goodbye.

Once he was past the school gates and the sounds of kids and activity faded out, Issei reached into his backpack to pull out his phone and headphones. He placed the headphones on top of his tangled hair, and sifted through the plethora of songs in his library as he walked. Eventually he found a song and put his hands in his pockets. Nobody approached him on the way home which was a blessing, and the boy was able to casually walk home as his favourite songs filled his surroundings.

When he reached his house, he was greeted with silence. _Mom must still be at work. She'll have fun hearing about what happened today..._ Issei collapsed on his bed and sunk into the soft comforter. He laid there for well over thirty minutes, and at some point in that time frame, he started screaming. A steady, muffled yell broke the silence of the room as the stress from the day slowly left Issei's body. His throat felt raw and his chest was on fire, but he kept on screaming.

After de-stressing as much as the boy could bear, Issei rolled off his bed and landed on the floor with a dull _thud_. He sighed, got up, and wandered around the house to the laundry to put his ruined uniform in the wash. He lazed about, checked the fridge and pantry for food, found some chips and ice cream, and returned to his room. Disregarding the homework and studying he was supposed to do, Issei turned on his TV and Wii U. The game he wanted to play was already in the console, so he just grabbed the controller and pressed play.

Issei's mother came home a few hours later, and Issei left his comfy room to greet her when he heard the front door open. "Hey Mom," he said as he approached the front door, opening his arms to give her a hug.

"Hi Issei," Yasu greeted with a smile, enveloping herself in her son's arms. "You must get a kick out of being able to rest your head on top of your short mother's when you hug, huh?"

"Not really, it just happens," Issei replied with an embarrassed smile, letting go of his mother.

Yasu grinned, and bumped Issei's hip with hers. "Come and help me make dinner, I'm starving."

Issei followed behind Yasu into the tiny kitchen, and awkwardly watched as she dug through the fridge. _"_ What're you making?"

"I don't really know! We can search the fridge and see what we can cook up."

"Again?"

Yasu laughed. "Unless you want to go to the store and buy groceries?"

"I can't drive!"

"Nothing says you can't walk."

"You would let me walk alone at night? Do you not love me, Mom?"

"Jesus Christ Issei, you're so dramatic!" Yasu laughed, pulling out random foods and leftovers. 

Issei smiled. "So what's in there?"

"Let's see," Yasu inspected her findings. "There's fried salmon, white rice, a couple onigiri, some curry, oh! There's some pizza in here too."

"Sounds good to me."

Both Issei and Yasu began heating up the leftover food that they wanted to form the most of a meal that they could. _Mom will cook a lot over the weekend and then we'll probably survive on what she cooked throughout the week, depending on her mood. It's kind of fun._ Once the two had made their meals, they sat down together at the table. The two of them gave thanks for their meal, and dug right in.

After a lengthy period of comfortable silence, Yasu asked, "So, Issei, how was school? I heard something interesting happened."

Issei nodded, continuing to eat his pizza. "Yeah, some guy I think named Hayashi spilled my bento all over my uniform..."

Yasu frowned. "How did that happen?"

Issei briefly explained the background of the situation, not omitting any details. _There's no point in lying to her..._

Yasu's frown deepened. "And you let that happen? You just let that kid ruin your lunch like that?"

"I didn't really care, honestly. I just got a uniform from the Infirmary and was fine."

"Issei, sweetie, these kids are just going to keep picking on you and bullying you because you're so tolerant. You're like their human punching bag. You gotta fight back! Say something!"

Issei was silent. _She's right... but I really don't want to fight anyone. It's too much work and I don't want to break a bone or anything._ "It just seems like so much hassle," the curly haired boy shrugged, taking another bite of his pizza. "It's better for me to come home with a ruined uniform than a broken nose."

"Jeez, you're such a softie, just like your father. I swear, you look more and more like him every day," Yasu said softly, her fiery attitude began to smolder. "That man would never want to hurt a fly if he didn't have to. It's a wonder we got along..."

Issei never knew who his father was, for he died on his second birthday, but Yasu constantly claimed that he was just like his old man every chance she could. The only thing Issei inherited from her was her dark curly hair and beige skin, but that was where the similarities ended. She was beautiful and short, fiery but collected, driven and careful. Issei was tall and lanky, always looked sleepy (his mother swore he didn't cry at birth and was born with bags under his eyes), quiet, passive, and extremely boring.

The boy decided not to respond, and the silence resumed. _I think I should try out a new weapon in Splatoon... being a sniper all the time is kind of boring. Maybe I should be a roller? Nah, it's too much hassle. The Sloshers are kinda cool, but they're only good for regular battles and Splat Zones though... I could probably do well with like a Luna Blaster or something. No harm in trying it out. I'd probably have to change up my gear. But what would I need? Maybe some Damage Up? Bomb Range Up would be nice too-_

"Hey Issei, what'cha thinking about? You seem to be drifting off somewhere," Yasu interrupted Issei's train of thought, and he snapped back to attention.

"Nothing really. Just Splatoon stuff," He mumbled, standing up to reheat another slice of pizza for himself in the microwave.

"You sure do love your video games, huh? Aren't you in the Gaming Club at school?"

"Nope."

Yasu gave him a bewildered look. "Why not?"

Issei shrugged, sitting down with his reheated pizza. "Just not my thing."

"You could make new friends! That's what clubs are for, aren't they?"

"I guess, but nobody would be friends with me."

"What makes you say that? I bet you could make some awesome friends if you try."

"I'm 'Icky Issei', nobody wants to talk to me." Issei tried to take a bite of his pizza, but it was too hot, and he quickly pulled it out of his mouth and blew on it gently.

"Come on Issei, there's gotta be some nice kids in your class, or at least your school." Yasu's frown lifted slightly when she saw Issei try to take a bite of the hot pizza, but her stern look gently fell back into place.

 _There really isn't. Everyone hates me._ "I don't know about the underclassmen, but nobody in my grade seems to like me that much."

Yasu hummed solemnly, and continued to eat her rice. A cloud of sadness tainted the uncomfortable silence like a thick fog. Neither of them dared to speak.  _What is she thinking? She's gonna say something I swear..._ Issei sighed, and took a bite of his now cooled pizza. _This is some pretty good pizza, too bad there aren't any more slices left._

After a while of painful silence, Issei had finished his pizza and got up from the table. "I have some homework I need to finish," he lied, and put his plate in the sink before walking upstairs to avoid the unusual quiet. He grabbed his 3DS XL off of the floor and rolled onto his bed. He scooted over to the desk next to his bed where a small tupperware container filled with game cartridges sat. _What to play, what to play..._ Issei dug through the container, blindly pulling out a game. After deciding he didn't want to play it, he would pick another.  _Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope!_ He rejected game after game, until finally settling on one to play. He placed the cartridge in it's slot and turned on the DS, rolling onto his back and holding his prized gold limited edition Legend of Zelda 3DS XL above him.  _Can I just stay in my room and play video games for the rest of my life? I don't need to go outside or anything, it's just a hassle anyway. I wish I could just make money off of playing video games and go to cool gaming conventions in America. If only... but I'm forced to go to school and associate with people who couldn't care less about me instead. Fate is out to kick my ass, apparently._ **  
**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy i wrote a thing! i don't know how long this is gonna be, but yeah! this is gonna be such a sad story im so sorry. also there's gonna be some like political/social (idk???) things like gay marriage in japan n shit so if i get something wrong please let me know!! i don't want to offend anyone. 
> 
> this is gonna turn out terrible just you wait
> 
> the wii u, 3ds xl, legend of zelda, and splatoon are all products of nintendo!! don't like arrest me or anything i'm too young to go to jail im sorry that issei loves nintendo so much (PLEASE DO NOT LYNCH ME IF I SAY SOMETHING BAD ABOUT A SPLATOON WEAPON YOU REALLY LIKE OR SOMETHING)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Issei witnesses a kid getting beat up in an alley twice. The first time, he ran. The second time, he sticks around and gets his ass whooped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little reminder: issei's inner thoughts are in italics
> 
>  **WARNING!!!** use of the word f****t is used in this chapter; discretion is advised! I'm sorry if I make anyone uncomfortable... :(

 

Issei strolled down the side of the road in the pale blue morning light; his headphones sat snug on his head under the hood of his baggy grey pullover. His attention was fixated on the rock he was kicking on his way to school.

A giant brown speckled cat was perched in the middle of Issei's path with the grumpiest face a cat could muster. The feline meowed at Issei, but he smiled despite it, and reached over to pet its furry head. Surprisingly, the cat didn't resist as Issei's hands glided down its back.

A figure darted past in Issei's peripheral vision, and he turned his attention to the road. A pink-haired boy around Issei's age was sprinting down the street, followed by three noticeably larger boys who were shouting obscenities at him.  _What the hell...? That guy in the front has the same uniform as me, does he go to my school? Those other guys are huge! They must be in high school or something._ The middle schooler made a sharp turn into an alley with the three older boys on his heels.

 _This is so weird... I gotta figure out what's going on._ Issei paused his music and silently ran after them. He stopped right outside the alley; lowering his headphones so he could hear better.  _I'm not sure what to expect... I hope I'm not intruding on like, a drug deal or something._ Issei poked his head into the alley to see what the whole deal was, and his droopy eyes widened at the scene before him.

"I'm sorry, I really am!" the middle shooler screamed as the other boys assaulted them with their feet. He attempted to shield his face from the attack with his arms, but he suffered blows to the sides of his head. Thy boy was sobbing hysterically, crying out pleas for them to stop. The familiar cream and turquoise uniform he wore was covered in dusty footprints.

Issei was itching to help; the ball of anxiety and guilt that was welled up inside of him grew with each kick he witnessed.  _I should help him! But what good can I do? They'll just beat me up instead of him. I can't just stand here though... Ugh, this is so frustrating!_

Before Issei could make his decision, the high schoolers slowly stopped kicking the poor pink-haired boy. "Don't try that again, you little shit," One of the boys spat, and nodded at his accomplices to signal their departure.

 _Shit; they're leaving. I can't let them see me._ Issei instantly took off in the direction of his school, running as fast as his long legs could take him. After a few minutes, he slowed down to a walk before stopping to catch his breath.  _I am so out of shape..._ He looked around to make sure nobody was following him. _I guess they didn't see me... I hope that kid's okay. I kind of feel bad for just running away, though._ After checking all his pockets to make sure he didn't drop anything important, Issei continued the walk to school.

 

* * *

 

Issei's eyes shot daggers into the board at the front of the class, but he wasn't listening to the boring English teacher. He was deep in thought; trying to decipher the events of that morning. _What did I witness this morning? Who were those guys? Why were they chasing that kid? The pink-haired kid has the same uniform as me; he probably goes to my school. I wonder what grade he's in... Maybe he's in my class? I doubt it. Ugh, why didn't I help him?! I feel like shit.. **.**_

Issei heard the door in the front of the class slide open, and he left the bubbling thoughts in the back of his mind to see who their visitor was. A disheveled boy with faded pink hair and beady brown eyes nonchalantly strolled over to the seat on Issei's left and sat down.

"Hanamaki-kun, you're very late," the teacher declared sternly. Takahiro didn't respond. He peered over at Issei's desk to see what he needed to get out of his desk.

"Hey, what are we doing?" Takahiro whispered to Issei.

_Wait, what did he just say?_

Issei looked towards his left at Takahiro.Takahiro was looking back at him expectantly.  _I didn't pay attention to what he asked me... Maybe something about what we're doing?_ "Oh, we're going over verbs and stuff. I haven't been paying much attention, to be honest." He said, and looked down at his desk. He sighed, and returned his gaze to the front of the room.  _Why does he look familiar?_ Issei sneaked a glance at Takahiro.  _Is he... the guy from this morning? I only saw part of his face, but you can recognize that weird pink hair from miles away. I'm feeling bad for not helping him all over again. Jeez. It's not like I can do anything about it though._ Instead of overthinking his actions from that morning, Issei tried to get a better look at Takahiro. 

He didn't look fully Japanese; he was exceptionally pale and cinnamon freckles dusted his face and neck. His dyed hair was a faded pink, but you could see his strawberry blond roots. His thin eyebrows were furrowed slightly as his dull charcoal eyes stared blankly at the board. Bitten nails fiddled with the black gauge earring in his right ear.

 _An earring. Cool. Probably should stop staring at him though._ Issei looked up at the clock in the front of the class.  _The bell should be ringing any second now._ As if on cue, the school bell interrupted the teacher's lesson, and everyone began packing up their things. Issei sighed as he put his textbook back in his desk. He dragged his feet to the back of the classroom to get his bento from his cubby. _I should talk to that Hanamaki guy. Where'd he go?_ Issei looked around in search of Takahiro, but he was nowhere to be found.  _What the hell..._ Issei dejectedly returned to his seat, and looked around one last time to make sure Takahiro really wasn't there.  _He disappeared. I bet he went to another class to talk to his friends. Oh well, it's not the first time I've eaten alone._

* * *

 

"Good-bye, Matsukawa-kun!" Issei's home room teacher called out to him as he left school grounds. She smiled at him and waved. "Have a nice evening!"

Issei's headphones were blaring fast paced techno music, and he saw the teacher's lips moving. _Is she talking to me? She's not worth pausing my music for, honestly. Just pretend you didn't hear her._ Issei kept his head down as he walked off school grounds, and didn't bother to look back at his confused teacher.

He took his time as he walked home, looking around at all the houses and the kids playing after school in the street. <Electric Angel>[1] flooded his ears, and he discreetly mouthed the words as he walked along to the beat. A slender white cat pranced onto the sidewalk in front of Issei and sat at his feet. She meowed at him, and rubbed her head against Issei's leg. Issei looked down and smiled at the cat.  _Two cats in one day! I feel blessed._ He put his hand out to pet the cat, but the cat moved its head across Issei's hand instead. Issei laughed.  _There's no way a cat this pampered could be a stray._ Issei moved his hand to scratch behind the cat's ear while checking for a collar. A thin, pink collar was around its neck, and the name "Hana" was engraved into a metal flower charm attached to the collar.  _Hana... what a pretty name._ On the back of the charm was a phone number and address.

Suddenly, a bloodcurdling scream erupted nearby and echoed throughout the neighborhood. Hana instantly darted into some bushes nearby when she was startled by the noise.  _What the hell was that?! I could hear it over my music..._ Issei paused his music, put his earphones away, and looked around for the source of the noise. Issei heard the scream again, though it was quieter this time. He ran in the direction he thought the screams were coming from.

The screams led him to another alley. _I'm feeling a hint of d_ éjà vu...Issei braced himself, and turned his head to look inside the alley.

Takahiro, the probable source of the screams, was lying on the ground. The same kids from that morning were beating him up, but one of them had a wooden baseball bat. Takahiro was bleeding; the bright liquid streaked his face and uniform.  _Holy shit. I think he's knocked out, too._

 _I can't watch this happen again. I may not be the brightest guy, but there's no way in hell I'm making such a big mistake twice. But first, I need a plan. If I step in out of nowhere, I'm gonna get my ass beat. Let me think this through..._ Issei paused to collect his wits and whatever bravery he could muster.  _Here goes nothing._

"Hey assholes!" Issei shouted as he stepped into the alley. His outburst instantly got all three of the boys' attention, and they stopped beating Takahiro to a pulp. "Leave that guy alone!"

"Who the fuck are you? And who're you callin' an asshole?!" The teenager swung his bat around as he approached Issei slowly, a scowl on his face. "You tryin' to be a little hero, huh?"

"F-firstly, I'm not that little; I'm 173 centimeters tall." Issei said flatly.  _Stay cool, don't stutter._ "Secondly, I-I just want to protect my friend." Issei was slightly taller than Batty; their eyes were at the same level.

Batty laughed, and his accomplices joined in as the crept towards their new prey. _At least they're leaving Hanamaki-kun alone._ "You're friends with this faggot?!" he spat, and pointed his bat at the unconscious Takahiro on the ground.

"Not too sure what that means, but yeah I'm friends with him! Now fuck off!"

A guy who couldn't have been over 150 cm stepped in front of Batty. "Your  act is adorable, but this isn't the place to be playing dress up. How about you get out of here, and mind your fuckin' business?!" He growled through his teeth.

Issei looked down at Shortie.  _What grade is this guy in? Someone doesn't drink enough milk._ Issei frowned. "What I'm about to do definitely won't seem like acting, though." Issei retorted, and sucker punched Shortie in the temple.  _Thank you self-defense videos that I watch at three A.M.! Damn, that was pretty cool... HOLY FUCK THAT STINGS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER! DID I BREAK MY HAND ON HIS THICK ASS SKULL?! Hide the pain Issei... manifest the coolness of sucker punching someone in the face... don't cry.. **.**_

Shortie dropped like a dead weight. The other two guys looked at their fallen comrade for a split second before jumping at Issei.

Batty swung first, and Issei narrowly evaded the attack to his head. The third guy, who had a massive scar across his right cheek, kicked Issei's side, and Issei desperately tried to stay upright. Scar came at him again, throwing punches at Issei's head and chest. Issei dodged a majority of them and even sneaked in a punch to Scar's gut, but Issei suffered a punch to the face, which smudged the lenses of his glasses. _You've got to be fucking kidding me!_ Issei took a big step back as Scar came at him again. Right before he punched, Issei kicked him in the groin, and Scar slowly fell to the ground, whispering a string of curses.

Batty suddenly came out of nowhere, swinging his bat like a madman. Issei managed to dodge a swing, and get behind Batty when he was off balance. He pushed Batty as hard as he could, causing the teenager to stumble forward. 

Scar had recovered to a degree, and tried to grab Issei from behind. Issei stumbled slightly, but Scar wasn't particularly heavy. He turned around, grabbed the sleeve of Scar's black uniform, and flipped him over his shoulder. Scar hit the ground with a painful thud, and Issei winced as he heard the air escape his lungs.  _And thank you Mom for forcing me to take Judo throughout elementary school; it actually came in handy._

But as Issei took a moment to catch his breath, he felt the wooden bat strike him in the back of the head, and he fell over instantly. The adrenaline was slowly leaving his bloodstream, and the pain from his injuries set in. Batty and Scar started kicking him like crazy, someone spat on him, and the coppery taste of blood filled Issei's mouth.  _What is with these guys and kicking people?! Oh jeez, I've probably broken something at this point..._

 Spots crept at the corners of Issei's vision, and he felt lightheaded.  _Fuck, I'm so tired... Everything hurts..._ Issei fought to keep his eyes open as his sight began to darken and blur.

Suddenly, Issei heard the sharp wail of sirens, and he snapped out of his stupor.  _What the...?_

"Shit! The fucker called the cops! We gotta get the fuck out of here!" Batty commanded, and the two high schoolers went to pick up the still unconscious Shortie and headed for the hills.

 _I hope I didn't seriously hurt that short guy. Or any of them really. I feel bad for flipping that guy with the scar. That shit really hurts..._ Issei turned his head to see the three assailants escape. Flashing red and blue lights whizzed by, and Issei was a little upset.  _Dammit, why didn't I call the police?_ Issei crawled over to Takahiro. He was still out cold, and looked rather peaceful. He was covered in blood, dirt, and bruises.  _Gotta take him home..._ Issei slowly pushed himself off the ground, and winced at the pain. He gently brushed the gravel and dirt off of himself, and attempted to pick Takahiro up. He was oddly light, but picking up a limp body while being barely able to stand was a massive challenge for Issei. 

Takahiro snored softly next to Issei's ear, and he smiled as he made the slow trek home.

 

* * *

 

When Issei returned home, Yasu freaked out, as expected. She had just gotten home from the hospital she works at as a doctor and had no intention to "return to that hellhole until Monday". So she lay Takahiro down on a futon in the family room, and checked his wounds. Issei was forced to get something to eat and wait outside for his mother to see what was wrong with him. 

When Yasu finally left the family room, Issei was sitting in front of the door expectantly. She slid the door closed, and followed his tall son's eyes as he stood up. "That kid is in _really_ bad shape. He regained consciousness which is good, but he has a concussion." Yasu said, activating her "doctor mode". "He's got few scrapes on his arms and a semi-deep cut on his face near his hairline, which was the reason he had blood all over him. As far as broken bones, he has a distal radial fracture-- a broken wrist. It also looks like his nose is broken, but the injury appears old. I patched him up and tried to set his wrist the best I could. All he can do now is rest.

"The fact that you remembered your way back here and stayed conscious while carrying someone else on your back is very impressive." Yasu smiled, and ruffled Issei's hair. "Does anything hurt? Like, more than the rest of your body? You don't seem too beat up."

Issei shook his head. "Everything just hurts the same amount, really. Nothing feels broken." He said, and he looked down at his thin hands. "Sorry for worrying you. I saw him get beat up this morning and I really wanted to help this time."

Yasu pulled Issei's chin up so they were making eye contact again. "I'm proud of you for doing the right thing." She said with a smile. "You can tell me everything that happened in the morning. For now, I want you to watch Hanamaki-kun. Wake him up every few hours to make sure he's alright, ask him a couple questions-- what his name is, his age, what grade he's in, etc.-- and give him some water. I already gave him something small to eat; I don't want him throwing up. Got it?"

Issei nodded. "I think so." He turned to open the living room door and stepped inside. Dim light came into the room through the windows, but otherwise it was pitch black. Issei couldn't see anything, so he attempted to find a kotatsu cushion to sit on in the corner. Takahiro was snoring gently on the other side of the room.

_His nose was broken before... So this wasn't the first time. How often does this happen to him? What do those guys have against him? Why did they call him a "faggot"? what does that even mean? It's probably some weird term Americans use... But what did Hanamaki-kun do to get beaten up all the time? He seems pretty cool to me._

Questions bubbled in the cauldron that was Issei's mind, and he was frustrated by the fact that he didn't know the answers to any of them. _None of this is making any sense! I wish I could just wake Hanamaki-kun up and ask him myself..._ Issei decided to check his phone, and pulled it out of his pocket. He was instantly blinded by the brightness of the screen when he brought it to life, and immediately dimmed the screen. _It's still too bright..._  After Issei could see again, he noticed a very thin crack that went across his phone screen.  _When did that happen? Whatever, it's not that bad._ He had a million notifications from all the games on his phone and the multiple gaming group chats he never payed attention to. He checked every game, looked at all the irrelevant emails he had, and skimmed through the group chats until all the little notifications were gone. 

While Issei was busy messing around on his phone, Takahiro had woken up and was trying to stand. When Issei heard the futon moving and Takahiro's groans, he quickly walked over to Takahiro. "Woah woah woah, not so fast." Issei said, and gently grabbed Takahiro to help him sit up. "What's wrong; you need something?"

Takahiro turned his head slowly to look at Issei. "Oh. Hey there... Wait, where'dya go?" Takahiro's speech was slow and slurred, and he looked around the dark room for the voice.

"I'm right next to you. Are you okay?" Issei tried to speak slow and enunciate his words for Takahiro to understand. He tapped Takahiro's left shoulder gently.

Takahiro's head turned to face him at an alarming speed. "I don't... oh, there you are~" A big goofy smile formed on Takahiro's face when he located Issei.

Issei smiled. "Hi. What's your name?" He asked, remembering the instructions his mother gave him.

"My name ish Hanamaki Takahiro." Takahiro responded quickly. _That's good. But he sounds super drunk._

"How old are you?"

"I... am fourteen yearsh of age, and my birfday's on January 27th. I hope you get me a birfday gift."

 _He seems to be doing okay, to an extent._ Issei chuckled. "I'll try to get you something cool next year, thanks for the heads up. You need to get some more rest, alright? Drink some water." Issei turned around to grab the water bottle on the kotatsu behind him and opened it. Issei gently brought the bottle to Takahiro's mouth, but Takahiro grabbed onto the bottle anyway. Issei couldn't see whether or not he spilled any water when the bottle was at Takahiro's lips. _I'll just go on a limb and say he's alright._ "'Kay, now you've gotta go back to sleep."

Takahiro lay back down on the futon and pulled the comforter up to his chin. "Do I get a bedtime shtory?" He asked in a childish tone.

Issei smiled. "I'm afraid I don't have any bedtime stories to read to you. But I'll sit here until you fall asleep."

Takahiro hummed. He was silent for a really long time.

"Hey. You awake?" Takahiro blurted out suddenly.

Issei jumped slightly. "I-i'm here. What's up?" He asked.

"Are you th' kid who sits next ta me at school? His name is like, Matsu-something."

"Yeah, I am. My name's Matsukawa."

"Mat-shu-kah-wah..." Takahiro repeated it slowly. He hummed. "Do people call you Mattsun?"

"Not really," Issei said softly.

Takahiro gasped in horror. "Why not? Mattsun is a lot shorter than Matsufasa."

Issei burst into laughter. "Matsufasa... that's funny." He was laughing so hard, he fell over on his side. After finally regaining his composure, Issei sat up again and let out a sigh. "Mattsun _is_ a lot easier to say."

"I know, I'm a geniush nickname-picker." Takahiro pretended to flip his har, but hit himself in the face instead. "And a genius needs his beauty shleep." Takahiro turned over to face the wall.

Issei laughed to himself. "Alright then; I won't disturb you anymore. Goodnight, Hanamaki-kun."

 "G'night."

Issei sat and waited for Takahiro to fall asleep before returning to his spot in the corner. He tried his hardest to stay awake so he could check on Takahiro, but eventually joined him in dreamland.

 

* * *

 

Takahiro was gone in the morning when Issei woke up on the floor. A note sat on the neatly made futon against the wall.

 

_Matsukawa-kun,_

_Thank you so much for everything; I didn't deserve your kindness. I took my uniform from the washing machine, but it was wet. Your mom gave me some of your clothes to wear while my uniform washed, and I'll give them back on Monday. Again, thank you so much for helping me out. I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble._

 

_-Hanamaki_

 

_Jeez he's so polite... but his handwriting is **awful**._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 1Electric Heart is a vocaloid song sung by Kagamine Rin + Kagamine Len! You can listen to it [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSYoz0JmnZo)[return to text]
> 
> (words cannot describe how much research i did just to get this footnote to fucking work)
> 
>    
> AA A A A this was painful to write
> 
> it's been TOO DAMN LONG for this to not be updated sorryyy
> 
> i feel like his inner thoughts are annoying... tell me what you think?? i can like, stop doing them or something. or do them less, idk.
> 
> anyway, hope you enjoyed! expect the next chapter within this month, I'm on a roll rn :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Issei and Takahiro's friendship begins to grow, and their sarcasm flourishes. Takahiro invites Issei to have lunch with him on the roof, and a lot of questions are finally answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you've forgotten, issei's inner thoughts are in _italics_

 

_I'm so tired... staying up all night playing Fire Emblem wasn't the best idea--who the hell is poking me?_

Issei kept his head down on his desk as the demon spawns arrived to torture him before the bell.  _And to think they'd leave me alone today. When will they give it a rest?_

"Hey, leave him alone guys. Honestly, there's a million better things you could be doing right now." A familiar voice on Issei's right told the rude students sternly, and Issei felt the poking stop. He heard the shuffling of feet and grumbles fading out and the person sat down on his left. "People are such assholes these days."

Issei slowly raised his head, looking over to his left for his savior. His eyes widened when he saw Takahiro chewing gum and playing on his phone on his left, violent music leaking from his earphones.  _Oh. I guess people see him as kind of scary...?_ "Thanks," Issei said meekly.

Takahiro looked up at him and took out an earphone. "Did you say something?" He said.

Issei's face went blank. "I was thanking you for getting those guys to leave." Issei repeated with a sigh.

"Oh, no problem," Takahiro responded, looking back at his phone. He put his earphone back into his ear, and Issei could hear his loud music start up again.

 _Did he forget about what happened on Saturday? I hope he's okay..._ Issei let out another sigh and pulled his 3DS out of his pocket. Upon opening it, he realized that he was in the middle of fighting a boss and hadn't paused.  _Shit! What game is this? Ocarina of Time? Why didn't I pause? Oh! Mom took my DS while I was getting ready... at least I can finish without interruption._

Issei became immersed in his DS, trying to remember how to defeat the electric jelly boss he was up against. He felt something poking his arm, but he was in no position to pause, and ignored it. The poking persisted, became more vigorous and violent, and then evolved into a hard punch to Issei's shoulder.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?!" Issei exclaimed, turning to face his assailant while rubbing his arm.

"Dude, chill! I didn't even hit you that hard." Takahiro retorted sharply. "I was just gonna give you your stuff back." Takahiro held a grocery bag in front of Issei.

"Oh," was all Issei could say as he took the bag in front of him. He quickly looked inside of it.  _Oh. That's where my Yoshi shirt went._ "Thanks. Do you remember my name?" Issei asked with a grin.

Takahiro looked at Issei, clearly confused. "Yeah. Your name is Matsukawa, right?"

"Are you sure it's not 'Matsufasa'?"

Takahiro's eyes widened. "Oh my God," he whispered, his face turning a light pink.

"I'm surprised you remember that."

"You're funny," Takahiro glared at Issei.

Takahiro's glare only made Issei laugh. "I'm a natural comedian."

"People probably laugh at your bushy ass eyebrows more than at your jokes." Takahiro quipped with a grin.

"It's a part of my act; they peel right off. Is your pink hair a part of your act too?"

Takahiro's grin melted off his face. "I'm afraid it doesn't, but at least I comb my hair."

Issei shot daggers at Takahiro, but he couldn't contain the laughter that was begging to escape. Before Issei could say something back, the teacher walked into the classroom. "Everyone please return to your seats. Matsukawa-kun, please put your device away." He said, organizing his papers.

Soft giggles floated around the room at the teacher calling Issei out.

 _What the hell? Why did he have to pick on me of all people?_ Issei sighed, saved his game, and returned his DS to his pocket.

 

* * *

 

The school bell rang as Issei was coming back to class from the bathroom. When he got his bento and returned to his desk, Takahiro was gone and there was a note on Issei's desk.  _Oh jeez, this handwriting is terrible. Reminds me of a certain somebody..._

 

_Meet me on the school roof._

 

_-H_

 

 _The fuck is this cryptic shit? It's gotta be Hanamaki-kun trying to be cool and mysterious. Might as well play along. How do you even get on the roof._  

Issei and Takahiro had been messing with each other during class for a few weeks now, but they never really talked outside of the classroom. The incident in the alley was taboo between them; they hadn't talked about it at all, and neither boy seemed to want to change that.

Issei wandered the hallways of his school, looking for a stairway that might lead to the roof. After walking up a flight of stairs and  _almost_ asking someone for directions, he found the small door that opened up to outside.  _Finally found it._ He pushed through the door and looked around. It was chillier up here than he expected, and very sunny. The roof was mostly bare concrete, but there was a fence around the edge. Issei looked around for a pink-haired nerd with an abundance of freckles, but Takahiro was nowhere to be found.  _Did he leave 'cause I took too long to show up?_ Issei looked around more time, but there wasn't any place Takahiro could be hiding. _Was the note a joke...?_

"Shit, sorry! I had to get some food," Takahiro burst through the metal door with a brown plastic bag in his hand. "Were you waiting long?" He asked, panting slightly.

Issei shook his head. "I just got here."

"Oh, good. I didn't want to keep you waiting." Takahiro sighed with relief and sat down against the wall of the school. He invited Issei to sit next to him by patting the concrete. "I kinda didn't think you'd know who the note was from or think it was a joke and decide not to come."

Issei sat down and unwrapped his bento. "It wasn't that hard to figure out who it was. I also recognized your atrocious handwriting." he replied, fishing his chopsticks case out of his pocket. "I didn't even know you could get up here."

Takahiro pulled an onigiri and a sandwhich out of the plastic bag. "Have you not seen the kids eat lunch on the roof in anime? They don't make that kind of stuff up."

Issei hummed. "I didn't think you'd be the kind of person who was into anime."

"I am a man of many interests. There are plenty of things you don't know about me." Takahiro said with a conceited grin.

"I haven't gotten much of a chance to learn anything about you," Issei muttered, and stuffed his face with food.

"Then let this be a time to get to know each other!" Takahiro declared, and shifted to face Issei. "You ask me a question, then I ask you, and we go back and forth. How 'bout it?"

"Sure, I guess. As long as I get to go first."

"Fine by me. Fire away." Takahiro looked fairly confident, obviously underestimating what Issei would ask.

"What's your favourite color?"

"Easy! Black. When's your birthday?"

"March 1st. What kind of music do you like?"

"Western punk and metal bands mostly. What are you the most afraid of?"

"Um, clowns, probably. What's the coolest place you've traveled to?"

"I went to France one year. Who's your favourite singer?"

Issei was silent for a moment."Umm, Hatsune Miku is cool-- _don't give me that look!_ "

Takahiro fixed his face. "I just didn't expect that." He said with a shrug. "Ask me something."

Issei paused to think. "What made you want to get your ears pierced?"

"I thought it would be cool. I went to visit relatives in America. One of my uncles works at a tattoo parlor, so he did it for me. My parents didn't seem to care. Why do you like  _vocaloids_?"

Issei gave Takahiro a blank stare.  _What the hell...?_ "'Cause the beats are cool and they can have some interesting meanings. Why is your hair pink?"

Takahiro looked down at his half-finished sandwich as his face slowly turned pinker than his hair. "I had a pastel goth phase." He grumbled, but instantly perked up when he thought of a question. "Speaking of hair, do you ever comb yours? It looks like a jungle."

 _It's not even that bad! I combed my hair like... a week ago?_ Issei tried to run his hand through his dark thick curls, but he hit a tangle and had to abort."I don't really think about it... If you could bring a singer back from the dead, who would it be, and why?"

Takahiro took a bite of his sandwich to think. "I wouldn't really bring someone back from the dead, but instead bring a band back together."

"Okay, what band?"

"Um, that was two questions."

Issei pushed Takahiro as he erupted into giggles. "They're basically one question. You still have to answer."

"I would bring My Chemical Romance back together."

"Don't know who that is, but whatever. Your turn."

"Hm. If you came home and your room was filled to the ceiling with avocados, what would you do?"

Issei gave Takahiro a confused look. "What the hell?"

"I don't know, okay? This is getting boring."

Issei sighed. "Honestly, it is pretty boring. But I have one question I really need to ask you."

"Okay...? What is it?"

Issei paused, contemplating whether or not he really wanted to say it.  _If I ask about the alley, it'll make it hella awkward between us. But I really want to know._ "Um, who were those high schoolers that were beating you up when I saw you in that alley a few weeks ago? I-I-It's been bugging me for the longest time, and s-since we're kinda friends now, I w-w-want to help make sure it never happens again." Issei half-mumbled. He fiddled with his hands.  _Ah, I stuttered... I hope he doesn't hate me for this_.

Takahiro was surprisingly quiet.  _Shit._ He looked away at the cloudless sky.  _SHIT._

"I-I-I'm sorry I m-m-m-mentioned it, you don't have to t-tell me If you aren't c-c-comfortable..." Issei stuttered, wringing the hem of his shirt in his hands.  _Ugh, I stutter so much when I'm anxious._

Takahiro looked back at Issei. "No, no, it's fine," Takahiro said. His voice sounded detached, like it wasn't him talking. "It's about time I told you, anyway.

"Those guys aren't high schoolers; they're 'friends' from my old junior high school." Takahiro began, putting air quotes around "friends". "I went there for two years, but they figured out that I'm gay and bullied me so badly I had to transfer schools. I started coming here this year, but they know where I live and what school I go to.

"For the most part, they just push me around and call me names. But that day I wasn't in the mood for their shit, so I snapped and punched one of them. They got upset, and decided to chase me and beat me up extra bad that day. It would've been a lot worse if you hadn't stepped in though, so thanks for that."

Issei was silent.  _Damn, that sucks. Wait, did he say he's gay?_

After that, the two finished eating without saying much. When they heard the faint sound of the school bell ring, Issei began packing up the remnants of his lunch. "Guess it's time to get back to class." He said.

"I guess so," Takahiro muttered, and stood up. He brushed the dirt off the back of his pants. "See ya later." 

Issei snorted in amusement. "Dude, we're going to the same classroom." Takahiro said with a smile.

Takahiro blinked. "That's very true." He blushed as the two went back into the school.

After a few minutes of silence. Issei decided to speak up. "Hey, I'm completely cool with you being... y'know." Issei half-whispered as they walked to class. "Honestly, I don't really know what I am myself."

Takahiro raised an eyebrow, interested in Issei's statement. "So you're not... completely straight?"

 _...What's he getting at?_ "I guess so, I don't really have much of a preference." Issei said with a shrug. "I've never dated anyone before, but if I like a person, I like 'em. I wouldn't be against dating a guy if I had feelings for him."

"Oh thank God," Takahiro sighed with relief, but his eyes widened when he realized that he had said that aloud. "I mean, I just don't know anyone else in this school who isn't straight and cisgender. It's just good to have someone I can talk to about that kind of stuff without it getting awkward."

A comfortable silence settled between them as they turned a corner and walked down a flight of stairs. They made their way back into their classroom, and Issei went to put his bento box away.

"Hey, Hanamaki-kun," Issei poked Takahiro's shoulder as he sat down.

Takahiro removed one of his earphones. "Yeah?" 

"What does 'cisgender' mean?"

Takahiro giggled. "I said that so long ago, what made you ask about it now?"

Issei shrugged. "It just occurred to me that I don't know what it means. Care to enlighten me?"

"It means you're the gender you were assigned at birth. Like if you were born a male and are still male. We're both cisgender."

"Oh. Good to know. I feel like my life has been forever changed. Thank you for enlightening me about such a magnificent topic." Issei said with mock sincerity.

A grin formed on Takahiro's face. "I'm glad that we could share such a touching moment. This has truly sealed our friendship and set it on a path that will go on forever."

Issei laughed. "Indeed! Who would've thought a three syllable word could trigger something so beautiful and utterly sarcastic?"

Takahiro couldn't contain his laughter any longer. He hid his face as he shook with silent giggles. "Where have you been all my life?" He asked, red-faced and teary-eyed.

"Sitting right next to you for like, a year." Issei said with a smile.

Takahiro was still giggling when the teacher finally rushed into the classroom.

"So sorry I'm late!" The teacher apologized as she arranged her array of papers on the desk. "Let's get started!"

While Issei was getting out his math work, Takahiro shoved him gently. His head instantly turned to the culprit, who was trying to hide his giggles.  _I've never known a guy who giggles so much._ Issei glared at him for a second, then continued to get his materials.  _I'll get him back. Later._

Later in class while they were doing classwork, Issei "gently" shoved Takahiro, and he fell over into the aisle. Issei burst into laughter, but the rest of the classroom was dead silent.

"Matsukawa-kun, Hanamaki-kun, is there a problem?" The teacher asked, her eyebrow raised with concern.

The two goofballs instantly straightened up. "Nope!" they answered in unison.

The teacher gave them one last glare over her reading glasses, and slowly turned her attention back to the student she was helping.

"Jinx, you owe me a soda." Issei whispered to Takahiro.

"Screw you." Takahiro whispered back through his teeth, but smiled despite it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept my promise :) back to back chapters baby!! (watch me not update for like five months after this)  
>  
> 
> Fire Emblem, the 3DS, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and Yoshi are all products of Nintendo! i don't own anything besides this story...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanamaki visits Matsukawa's house.

 

"Why is your house so far away from school?" Takahiro whined as he dragged his feet behind Issei.

"Shut up, we're almost there." Issei said, not bothering to turn around.

Issei and Takahiro had been walking to and from school together for a while now. After Takahiro explained his situation, Issei swore to always wait at Takahiro's house in the morning and walk him all the way home in the afternoon. Takahiro was extremely against it and tried multiple times to tell Issei that it wasn't necessary, but eventually he gave up and let it happen.

Although they've both been to each other's houses, they've never been any further inside than the front yard. But Issei wanted to change that by having Takahiro come to his house after school. It was a bright and clear day; the cool fall wind bit through their uniform jackets. Even though school had just been let out on a Saturday, there weren't many kids outside.

"You said we were almost there like, five minutes ago!" Takahiro said with a pout. He was getting more and more impatient as the walk dragged on and on.

"Oh my God, stop complaining!" Issei snapped back. "I had to walk all this way with your unconscious ass on my back."

That shut Takahiro up. The whole event from about a month ago wasn't too uncomfortable of a topic between them at that point, but mentioning it brought some tension.

Issei took another turn and stepped in front of a white house. "We're here." He declared, and gestured to the house in front of him. Issei's house wasn't extravagant or out of the ordinary; it was a standard two-story house with an upper balcony where laundry was drying on the line. He had been living there for as long as he could remember.

"Finally!" Takahiro sighed with relief, and followed Issei past the front gate to the door.

Issei rolled his eyes as he unlocked the door.  _This kid complains way too much..._ He let Takahiro go in first, and closed the door behind him.

Naturally, Takahiro looked all around the front entrance of Issei's house. Contrary to the exterior, the inside of Issei's house looked more modern and roomy. The walls were a pristine white with light wood floors and accents. "Ooh, nice house." Takahiro muttered before crouching to untie his shoes.

"Thank you! I designed it all myself." Issei said with a laugh. "The guest slippers are there if you want them." Issei gestured to a pair of gray slippers as he put his feet into his own.

Takahiro looked over to where Issei was pointing. "Is it cool if I just leave my socks on?" He asked after taking his shoes off.

"As long as your feet don't smell."

Takahiro glared at Issei, which only caused him to smile. 

Once the two were situated, Issei led Takahiro upstairs to his room, ignoring all of his comments about the items in his house. Once they reached the room, Issei opened his door.

Takahiro gasped.

Issei's room had multiple shelves that were completely filled with anime figurines, Amiibos, and other gaming trinkets. His walls were covered with vocaloid posters. His dark wooden desk that was opposite of his bed was covered with even more figurines that sat around his desktop computer. A small flat screen TV sat on the floor, surrounded by controllers, game cartridges, and even more Amiibos. 

"Your mom let you get all of this?!" Takahiro asked as he looked around at all the amazing things in Issei's room.

"For the most part, yeah. I bought some of it myself at conventions and stuff." Issei mumbled, and sat down on his bed to spectate Takahiro's exploration of his room.

"You're so lucky! I wish I could have all this stuff." Takahiro said as he touched almost everything in Issei's room.

Issei shrugged. "I'm an only child, so..." He trailed off when he realized Takhiro wasn't paying attention and was more invested in his game collection.  _I'm regretting bringing him here; this is embarrassing..._

Issei slid off his bed and crawled over to his TV. "You want to play something?" He asked in an attempt to get Takahiro to stop gawking at his armada of Hanayo Koizumi figures.

Takahiro turned to look at his friend on the floor. "Sure. I barely know any of these games, though." He sat down next to Issei, and sifted through all of Issei's Wii U games that sat in a burgundy fabric bin.

"Yoshi's Woolly World is a pretty fun co-op game." Issei suggested.

Takahiro took the game case from Issei, and inspected the description on the back. He frowned. "Nah; it looks lame."

"Not as lame as your face..." Issei grumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing!"

Takahiro pushed Issei over, and Issei laughed as he fell. "Do you have Super Smash Bros?" Takahiro asked.

Issei propped himself up on his elbow and glared at Takahiro. "Of course I don't! Why would someone like _me_ have a game like _that_?" He said sarcastically.

Takahiro raised his eyebrows and put his hands up. "Damn, okay. We can find something else..."

 _Oh my God._ "Of  _course_ I have it you idiot." Issei's laughter started up again, and he pushed Takahiro back as he got up to get the game from off his desk. He sat back down and turned on his Wii U. Once it started up, he ejected the current game that was inside and put the Super Smash Bros game inside. "Who do you usually play as?" He asked as the game started up.

"I've only played a couple times at a friend's house, but I usually choose Kirby."

Issei didn't respond as he navigated to the character selection screen. He handed Takahiro a remote. "You remember how to play?"

Takahiro took the controller and maneuvered his cursor to Kirby. "Yeah, I think so. But, let's not do CPUs, and you should choose random to give me an advantage." He said with a grin.

Issei shrugged. "Fine by me." He said nonchalantly, and selected random. "You ready?"

Takahiro changed Kirby's color to black and nodded. Issei selected a random map to start the match.

 

* * *

 

Takahiro threw his remote on the ground for the tenth time. "How are you so good at this?!" He asked, glaring at the obvious results of the game.

"Can you like, not throw my remote? You're gonna break it." Issei said flatly, and scooted across the floor to retrieve the controller.

Takahiro had forced Issei to select every bad character he could think of, and lost every time. And after every game, Issei suggested they play something else, but Takahiro refused.

"What the hell, you're so cool! I wish I was as good as you." Takahiro whined.

Issei blinked.  _Did he seriously just say that I'm "cool"??? "_...thanks?" He squeaked, looking down at his Game Pad.

Takahiro's face fell. "What's wrong?" He asked with a small frown. He sat down next to Issei. "Was it something I said? Or was it me throwing the remotes a lot?"

Issei shook his head. "Neither... well kinda the former actually. I'm not too used to people calling me 'cool' and saying I'm good at video games. The word 'nerd' is used a lot more often..."

Takahiro frowned. "Dude, you're super cool! You're always so calm and nonchalant about things. You're not all asshole-y about kicking my ass a million times. I don't get why people make fun of you..."

Before Issei could respond, his door slid open to reveal an overly excited Yasu standing there. _I could've sworn Mom said she was coming home late..._  Upon seeing Takahiro, her eyes widened and a smile spread across her face. "I decided to come home from the hospital early today and I am  _so_ glad that I did! Hello Hanamaki-kun! I didn't think I would ever see you again! How are you? Is your wrist alright?" She immediately began asking Takahiro a million questions as her mouth ran a mile a minute.

Takahiro blinked. "Oh, hello Matsukawa-san." He said as he stood up and bowed. "I'm doing okay, thanks for asking. My wrist is, uh, fine for the most part, I guess. It still hurts sometimes."

Yasu grinned. "Good, good! Oh, no need for the formalities, makes me feel old. Please, call me Yasu."

Before the situation could get any more awkward, Issei stood up to give his mom a hug. "Can I talk to you for a second?" He whispered to Yasu, and ushered her back outside before she could respond. "I'll be back in a sec." He said to the bewildered Takahiro as he slid his room door closed behind him.

"You guys became friends! I'm so proud of you!" Yasu exclaimed, and engulfed Issei in a suffocating hug. "How long have you two been buddies?"

"We sit next to each other in class, and we've been talking for about a month or so--"

" _A month?!_ " Yasu interrupted Issei as her jaw dropped. "Why am I just figuring this out?"

 _Because I knew this would happen???_  Issei blinked slowly, and ignored his mother's outburst. "We walk to school together also, but this is the first time he's been over."

The fire in Yasu's deep black eyes toned down to a smolder, and she looked up at her son. "Well don't let me bother you too much. If you need anything, just let me know." She kissed Issei's cheek and frowned. "I can't believe I have to look up at my son... I used to be able to kiss your forehead, now I have to get on my toes just to get to your cheek!" Yasu ruffled Issei's hair with a grin. "Have fun, my little social butterfly." She said as she walked down the hall.

 _She's more excited about me making friends than I am, honestly._ Issei sighed and walked back into his room. "Sorry about that. You probably heard everything; pretend you didn't." Issei grumbled as he walked over to where Takahiro stood.

Takahiro had gone back to admiring all of the little figurines and nendoroids in Issei's room. He bumped Issei lightly to let him know that he was aware of his presence. "Mhm." He mumbled without looking at Issei. He picked up a Hatsune Miku figure, turning it all around.

Issei bumped Takahiro back. "Why are you so into my figurines?" He asked.

"Why do you sigh so much?" Takahiro retorted, still not bothering to look at Issei.

Issei sighed. "I dunno, why do you giggle like a little schoolgirl?"

Takahiro sighed deeply through his nose, but didn't say anything. He gently put down the Miku figure he was holding and went to pick up a Ryuko Matoi one.

"...You can have one." Issei mumbled.

Issei saw Takahiro's gaze shift to look at him, though his head never moved. "One what?" Takahiro asked as he flipped the figurine upside down.

Issei snorted. "What the hell are you doing?" He asked, and took the figurine from Takahiro to put it back down the right way. "Who would've thought a gay guy could be such a perv?"

Takahiro's cheeks flushed pink. "That's not what I-- nevermind. But what did you mean when you said I could have one?"

"One figure, genius." Issei said with a chuckle. "I have so many anyway."

Takahiro finally turned to look at Issei, his steel eyes shined with excitement. "Really?! You're serious?"

Issei nodded. "I don't mind giving one to a friend." He said with a smile. 

A ridiculous smile spread across Takahiro's face, and he turned back to the armada of figurines to pick which one he wanted.  _He's really into this kind of stuff..._ After a lot of consideration and multiple tough decisions, Takahiro picked up a Maki Nishikino Birthday Project figure and showed it to Issei. "Can I have this one?" He pleaded, and even did the most ridiculous puppy-dog eyes.

 _Aw, I like that series... Wait, Maki isn't even my best girl. Why did I buy this???_ "Sure. I think I have the box around here somewhere."

Before Issei could turn away to get the box, Takahiro pulled him into a hug. "Thank you so much!" He exclaimed, "you're the best!"

Issei froze.  _Oh... Well then_ **.** Even when Takahiro pulled away, he couldn't bring himself to move.  _What the hell is wrong with me? It's just a hug from my like, best friend who's gay and happens to smell really nice (what the fuck Issei that's super weird). Why am I freaking out so much???_

The smile on Takahiro's face slowly faded, and he furrowed his thin brows with concern. "Are you okay?" He asked, and gently grabbed Issei's stiff shoulders. "Do you not like hugs? I'm sorry, I just really like hugs and didn't think about how you would feel. Is it because we're both guys and I'm gay? I'm not like trying to infect you with my homosexuality I assure you. But I won't do it again if it makes you uncomfortable... Are you changing your mind about giving me Maki?" 

 _Great going Issei, you weirded him out._ Issei blinked, and shook the fog out of his head. "Sorry, I don't k-know what went over me. I'm fine. I know that homosexuality isn't contagious. You can keep Maki. And... I don't m-mind being hugged." He mumbled as his gaze went to the ground. His dark skin concealed the blush that crept on his face.

"Sorry, I'm just really into anime... and hugs..." Takahiro trailed off, and it was his turn to turn pink. He gasped, and quickly took his hands off of Issei's shoulders as if they suddenly went cold.

 _What even was that? I didn't expect him to react like that... I didn't expect MYSELF to act like that..._ Issei didn't say anything, and got on his knees to search through the pile of empty figurine boxes that had accumulated in a bin under his desk. Once he found it, he got up and turned to face Takahiro again. He gestured for Takahiro to hand him the figure, and carefully reboxed it. He handed the box back to Takahiro.

Takahiro took it and put it back on the desk. "I won't forget it." He whispered, and Issei nodded.

The two of them stood and fidgeted there for what felt like eons, avoiding eye contact. The only sound that could be heard between them was the sound of a fan that hummed absentmindedly.

 _Say something. ANYTHING._ "You wanna play more Smash?" Issei asked abruptly.

Takahiro jumped slightly. "Um, sure." He smiled, and the two sat down in front of the television.

 

* * *

 

Takahiro had stayed over for dinner, and Yasu barraged him with questions while Issei died of embarrassment. They messed around on the Wii and played DS until the sun started to set. When the streetlights came on, Takahiro said he had to go home.

"Do you know the way?" Issei asked as Takahiro put his shoes on.

"Yeah, I think so." Takahiro replied as he stood up. "Thanks for inviting me over, and thanks for giving me the figurine."

Issei smiled. "You have it with you? You said you wouldn't forget it."

Takahiro looked around him, and his eyes widened with fear. "I could've swore I picked it up..."

Issei started laughing, and pulled the box out from behind his back. "I knew you would leave it." He said with a smile as he walked over to Takahiro to give him the figurine.

Takahiro blushed and took the box from his friend. "Farewell, Sir Matsukawa. We shall rendezvous once more on Monday morning in two days time." He joked as he grabbed his bag. 

Issei caught on quickly, and smiled. "Have a safe journey, Sir Hanamaki. Are you certain you do not require my escort?"

"Yes, sir."

"Very well. Be sure to send a message on your cellular device upon your return home."

Takahiro burst into giggles as he and walked to the front door. "See you later, loser." He said between giggles as he opened the door. He saluted to his friend with a smirk before closing the door behind him.

Issei saluted back, a smile plastered to his face. He turned around and walked off to help out his mom with whatever she was doing.  _Hanamaki's pretty cool. He better take care of that figurine I gave him._

After helping Yasu fold clothes and getting assaulted with even  _more_ questions, Issei slumped to his room and landed face-first on his bed.  _Hanging out with him was fun. I hope we can hang out again._ Issei flipped over and stared at the blank ceiling.

_Hanamaki seemed really excited about that Maki figure; I've never seen him act like that before. I didn't expect him to hug me either...  Hugging is weird; I don't like it. Nobody hugs me except Mom... But being hugged by Hanamaki felt... not weird???  Like it was comforting... I dunno. I'm all over the place right now. I need to shower. Did Hanamaki text me?_

Issei crawled to the end of his bed to retrieve his phone. He woke it up. A few game notifications and random emails covered his Triforce lockscreen, but no message from Takahiro.Issei unlocked his phone and opened up his messages.

 

_< < Sir Makki, hast thou returned to thy humble abode?_

 

Issei cringed as he hit send.  _That was lame..._ He messed around on his phone as he waited for a reply. He checked all his games and social media, caught up on all his favourite gamers' activity, and got into a fight on Reddit about the lamest Splatoon weapon without a single reply from Takahiro.

 _It's only 8; he can't be asleep yet..._ Issei tried to distract himself from his growing anxiety by playing his 3DS, but he quickly got bored of it and all the other games in his room. He resorted to inspecting the posters on his wall while lying on his stomach.

 _There's a little empty space; I should get something to fill it up. But what poster should I get? Another Rin and Len poster wouldn't hurt. I've only got one of them, which I realize is really sad... Did one of my posters fall?? Which one was it? When did that happen? Meh, I'll put it back up later. It must've not been that important to me if I'm just noticing it now._ Issei took another look at his phone.

The only notifications he had were from a Splatoon Skype group chat that he couldn't care less about. Now Issei was  _really_ worried (as if he wasn't worried enough before).  _What the hell...? Is his phone dead? Did he not make it home...?_ Issei unlocked his phone and called Takahiro. _I hope he's okay..._

After a long pause without any ringing, the phone went straight to voicemail.  _Okay, so he either doesn't have service (which I doubt), is ignoring me, or has a dead phone._ Issei hung up before he had to record a message. He decided to send Takahiro another text.  _He didn't even read the first one..._

 

<<  _Sorry if I seem like an overprotective girlfriend (or boyfriend in your case), but I'm worried about you. Text me to let me know you aren't dead._

 

Issei picked his 3DS up again. He tried to play Yokai Watch, but he could barely focus. There were too many anxious thoughts invading his mind. _Did those guys attack him again? Maybe he got mugged? Or kidnapped?! What if he's passed out in an alley? Did someone steal his phone as he was walking home? I read something about people riding bikes and stealing phones as they passed by... That was in America, though. He's always by his phone and answers pretty quickly... I really hope he's alright._

Issei finally decided to get in the shower. It was about 9:30 PM when he got out, and he hadn't heard a thing from Takahiro.  _Okay, now I'm getting seriously worried._ He decided against texting or calling Takahiro again, and played some video games until his mom yelled for him to go to sleep. Right as he was getting into bed at around 11:45, Issei's phone buzzed.

It was a message from Takahiro.

 

>>  _sorry for worrying you! i'm at home and perfectly okay :D my phone died and i had to wait for my older brother to get home so i could use his charger_

 

Issei sighed.

 

<< _Jesus Christ, I thought you died or something!_

 

>> _the only thing that's dead is my soul lmao_

>>  _i'm very alive, but i gtg to bed. goodnight!_

 

<<  _N_ _ight._

****

_Well that's a relief._ Issei put all his devices on their appropriate chargers before getting into bed. _I swear, that kid is gonna kill me one day..._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! i really appreciate it! :D
> 
> IM ON SUMMER BREAK!!!! which means i'll be able to update more regularly!! i'll try my hardest to update this every other monday or so, but no promises. i'll stay on it, though!
> 
> did you like my fancy text message formatting? i think it's p cool :3 but lemme know if you see any errors or would like to provide any kind of (constructive) criticism to help me better the fic!
> 
> y'all already know all the shit i referenced to (super smash bros, kirby, splatoon, yokai watch, hanayo koizumi, ryukoi matoi etc.) don't belong to me ~~i wish i had a maki figure tho~~


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Issei and Takahiro get assigned an English project over their winter break and Takahiro delivers some devastating news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING!!**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> there's a mention of suicidal thoughts in this chapter (there's nothing specific or detailed) and panic attacks. if any of that kind of stuff is triggering for you, you can skip the third part of this chapter (after the second break) or just skip this chapter altogether.

 

"Makki, you're  _killing_ me. Just, stop. Give me my DS back."

"Dude, I got this! I'm totally winning right now!" Takahiro declared proudly, and he moved Issei's 3DS away from his grabby hands so he could continue to play.

Their English teacher was late for class again, so Takahiro decided to play Super Smash Bros. on Issei's 3DS. And he was failing miserably.

 _This is too painful to watch..._ "You're gonna make me cry-- WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" Issei was whisper-yelling at the sight of Takahiro falling off the map like a massive idiot. Issei was fuming with secondhand embarrassment, but he instantly calmed down when he noticed the classroom was silent and people were glaring at him.

"Mattsun, I got this! I  _totally_ know what I'm doing." Takahiro said seconds before his pink character went flying off the screen for the fifth time.

"You _totally_ don't know what you're doing." Issei deadpanned.

"Shut up, you old fart."

Issei laughed. "First off; you're older than me. Secondly, at least this fart doesn't suck at SSB."

Takahiro let out a loud groan as their English teacher finally walked into the classroom. "I'm terribly sorry for my tardiness!" He apologized profusely as he set up his paperwork. "Everyone please sit down!

"My first topic of today's lesson is a new assignment that you'll be working on for the next few weeks. As you are all aware, winter break starts at the end of this week. So, I've utilized this opportunity to assign you all a reading project!" The teacher declared with glee, but his smile fell as a chorus of groans and complaints erupted in the classroom.

"Now, now. I know you're all upset, but this is seriously going to help you out with your English studies by seeing how the language is usually used in literature. Now, allow me to discuss the project criteria. Can someone please hand these out?" He asked, and handed a pile of pink papers to a student. "So, as you may see on the paper, there are a few book suggestions, but you may choose any one you like, as long as it's completely in English and I approve it first."

More groans.

"Class..." The teacher warned as he was quickly becoming more agitated. "There's one more thing. You are permitted to work with  _one_ other student."

Upon hearing that information, Issei and Takahiro immediately looked at each other. Issei wiggled his bushy eyebrows suggestively, which caused Takahiro to giggle. 

"There are a few project options that you and your partner can choose from. After reading the book, you can make a presentation about the main characters, a playlist of at least fifteen songs that characterize the book, a brochure about one of the settings, or an advertisement that promotes the book itself. I'll give you a few minutes to find a partner and look over your rubric."

Chatter arose in the classroom as people began to find partners. Issei picked up his project paper from his desk. "What book do you want to do?"

Takahiro looked at his own paper and hummed. "Um, I'm not too sure... We can just choose from the suggestions." Takahiro flipped his packet to another page and took Issei's to do the same. "I've heard stuff about  _The Glass Castle_ by Jeannette Walls from my cousins in America. How 'bout it?" he asked.

Issei looked down at his packet. "I don't really care, so I'm cool with it." He said, looking through the other criteria of the project. "Do you wanna do a brochure for a setting?"

Takahiro nodded. "Yeah. It looks like the easiest one."

"Cool."

 

* * *

 

"Hurry up already; I want to go home," Takahiro whined as Issei took his sweet time putting his materials away.

"The bell literally rang a minute ago. It's not like your house is gonna grow legs and walk away if you don't get home right this second." Issei grumbled, and he shoved the last of his books into his bag. "I'm done, okay? Let's go."

Takahiro sighed with relief, and sped out the classroom door.  _He's so impatient..._ Issei didn't bother to hurry behind him, and turned his phone on as he walked. He decided against turning his headphones on too, for he knew that Takahiro was probably going to rant to him about something on the way home.

When they both had changed out of their indoor shoes and were ready to go, Takahiro dragged Issei off of school grounds as he said goodbye to all his other friends and some teachers. Once they were past the school gates, Takahiro let go, and the two of them started the cold journey home. Issei could see the clouds of carbon dioxide that escaped his mouth as he exhaled, and he blew the air at Takahiro.

Takahiro glared at him, but giggled. "You're such an ass." He said between laughs.

Issei smiled, but it quickly faded when he remembered something. "You said you wanted to talk to me about something, right?"

Takahiro's eyes widened with realization, and he nodded. "Right! I'm not gonna be here for most of this week and pretty much all of winter break."

Issei immediately stopped walking. "What? Why?" He asked with a frown.

Takahiro stopped walking next to him and looked down at his feet. "I'm going to America for the holidays. My cousins got off school last Friday, and we're gonna leave Wednesday. We won't be getting back until after New Year's, a couple days before we go back to school."

 _Ohh my God. What the hell am I gonna do with myself over all of winter break if he's gone?_ "You mean next Wednesday, right?" He asked, and he felt that familiar ball of anxiety form in his gut.

Takahiro shook his head.

"You mean Wednesday as in  _tomorrow_?"

Takahiro sniffled, and nodded.

Issei gasped dramatically. "You're going to abandon me?" Issei faked offense to hide his massive disappointment.

"In all honesty, I don't want to go." Takahiro admitted with a small laugh, his voice high and tight. He looked away at a car driving by. "My little cousins are super annoying and I don't have anyone my age to hang out with. Plus, you wouldn't be able to whoop my ass in Smash."

"Are you being serious, or are you saying that to make me feel better about the fact that I'm gonna be alone all of winter break?"

Takahiro's gaze returned to his shoes, and he bit his nails instead of responding to Issei's question. He didn't have to say anything for Issei to understand.

"Look, I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything, 'c-cause there's not much you can do about it," Issei attempted to backtrack, and he looked over at Takahiro. Takahiro looked up at Issei for a second, but instantly returned his gaze to the ground when they made eye contact.

Issei sighed. "Don't let it get you down; I'll be fine. You can always message me or something. As long as you bring me back something from America, I'll survive." He said with a small smile. 

Takahiro looked over at Issei's shoes. Issei frowned, and stood in front of Takahiro. "Hey. Look at me." Issei lowered his head so he made eye contact with Takahiro, and followed his gaze as his head rose. "I am going to be okay. You don't have to be a sad deflated balloon for your trip because you left your beloved best friend in Japan. Come on, smile like the happy wittle ball of sunshine you are." Issei said with a grin, and pulled Takahiro's numb face to make it look like he was smiling.

Takahiro swatted Issei's hands away and smiled on his own.

"There we go! The Makki Train is up and running again! I'm glad I didn't have to resort to tickling you."

Takahiro's eyes widened. "That wouldn't have been necessary..." He said sheepishly.

"And he speaks too!" Issei declared with glee, which caused Takahiro to smile even more. "C'mon, let's go home. It's freezing out here."

Takahiro nodded, and the two continued their trek home.

 

* * *

 

Issei watched as Takahiro walked in the direction of his house while waving to him. Issei smiled and waved back before turning around to continue to walk the other way to his own home. He put his headphones on and turned on his music to dispel the stony quiet Takahiro left in his wake.

_Of course Makki's going away for winter break. He's American; Christmas is a big thing there. I don't think Mom's gonna be home a lot either. I don't think doctors get too many off days during the holidays... Whatever; it'll just be me and my games. And hopefully Makki will message me._

Issei looked up at the dark grey sky as he walked. Small white flakes started to slowly drift down and land on his face and glasses. He quickly returned his gaze to in front of him with a sigh.  _I remember seeing stuff about flurries in the forecast... But there's no way it'll stick._ He quickened his pace home and rushed inside his house.

As always, the house was empty when he arrived. Issei shed his thick jacket and shoes, cleaned off his wet glasses, and made his way to the kitchen. After he found some leftover pizza to eat, he sent a text to Takahiro.

 

<<  _You home yet?_

His phone went off again in seconds.

 

>>  _yup! just got here_

 

Issei sighed with relief, but he flinched when he heard his phone go off again.

 

>>  _so i was walking home, and then i remembered something_

>>  _if i'm in america, how are we gonna do our english project?_

 

Issei blinked.

 

<<  _Umm... I can finish the book in like, two days,_ _so I'll do all the research for it, give you the info,_

 _and you can use your magical translating skills and_ _artistic_   _t_ _alents to make the brochur_ _e._

 

>>  _that'll work! i'm already planning to bring some markers_ _and stuff for the plane ride._

>>  _well that's all i wanted to ask you. i gotta pack. see ya!_

 

<<  _You're still packing? Have fun with that._

 

Issei let out a deep sigh.  _Why did he wait until the day before to tell me? I don't think I'll be able to say goodbye to him in person... People go see their family during the holidays. I should've expected it to happen._

_I know it's not his fault. I can't just run to the airport tomorrow and convince him to stay. I know, I know, I know... But why am I so... mad? Is it because he waited until the last minute to tell me? Was he not going to tell me at all?_

Issei groaned, and threw away the crust of his pizza. He dragged his feet to his room and flopped face-down onto his bed. That annoying tight feeling of anxiety was completely wrecking Issei's insides and he wanted to throw up, scream, and cry all at once.  _What's wrong with me? Why am I being so irrational about this? Makki's going to be gone for like, two weeks. He won't be gone forever... But I can't stop this feeling that he's never going to talk to me again... We're gonna slowly drift away after break. I know it._

_This is what I get for being so attached to people. I expect them to always be with me all the time and be there whenever I need them to. I'm so selfish! The world doesn't revolve around me. Nobody's going to change their life for me. I'm not that special. Nobody's gonna care about me that much. I don't even care about myself that much..._

The overwhelming urge to rip his hair out prickled Issei's shaking fingertips. He was struggling to bring air into his lungs as his heart went into overdrive. A shaky sob escaped Issei's lips, and his vision grew blurry from tears.  _I don't deserve to have friends because all I do is bitch and moan when they're not thinking about me at every moment. I'm such a clingy piece of shit._

Issei slowly curled into a ball as his sobs and gasps for air became progressively more violent. A dull throb resonated through his head and his eyes felt scratchy and dry, but the tears kept coming, and coming, and coming.

The thought of being away from one of the only people he could trust brought up memories from the past nine years where he cried himself to sleep in fear of being alone for the rest of his life. He recalled the countless panic attacks in the boy's school bathroom as kids screamed at him from outside the stall. Issei couldn't count how many times the aggressive thoughts of suicide plagued his mind. But he eventually grew numb to the bullying and everything else around him. He had accepted his destined life of solitude and pain.

But he's barely thought of any of that after he rescued Takahiro all those months ago. He wasn't "cured" from his intense anxiety or the annoying people who harassed him, but Issei finally had someone who didn't make him want to hide in a corner. Every minute he spent with Takahiro made him feel like he mattered, and he couldn't lose that now.

_I can't be alone again. I can't bring myself to sit in the house all day. I can't keep wallowing in my crippling anxiety and loneliness._

_**I can't keep doing this.** _

_I need to slow down... Makki's coming back; he has to. Two weeks can't undo the three months of fun that I've shared with him. I'm going to be okay. I'll survive until he comes back to Japan. I can always Skype him. I have to keep my sanity, for my own sake. For his sake. I'm gonna read my book and actually do my homework. I won't keep doing this!_

After his personal pep talk, Issei's sobs died down and his breathing had evened out. A violent headache shook his brain, but he couldn't care less. All he wanted to do was sleep. So Issei slowly uncurled himself and got up off his bed. He stumbled slightly, but was able to regain his balance and made his way to the bathroom.

Issei didn't have to look at himself in the mirror to know he looked like a mess. Tear stains stuck to his face and neck, his hair had bunched where his hands were tightly holding on, and his eyes were puffy and felt dry. And he was still in his school uniform. He left his hair be, but washed his face, and trudged back to his bedroom.  _Where's my phone...?_ Issei began to slowly look around his room until he noticed his cell phone next to his bed on the floor. He bent down to pick it up in slow motion, and brought it to life.

No new notifications.

Issei sighed, and tossed his phone on his pillow. He changed out of his uniform and slid into bed. _I haven't cried like that in forever. That shit is DRAINING._ I'm beat.Before he put his phone away and turned over to go to sleep, he sent Takahiro a message.

 

<<  _Hey, when do you leave for the airport?_

 

Takahiro replied quickly, as always.

 

>>  _our flight leaves at 8:30am, but we're leaving the house at 7._

 

<<  _So I can say goodbye before you go?_

 

 

>>  _um, probably! if you stop by before you leave for school_

 

<<  _Cool. Don't be surprised if I knock on your door. I'm going to sleep. Night._

 

>>  _you're going to sleep at a decent hour?? how strange XD_

>>  _goodnight!_

 

Issei sniffled, and put his phone on the charger next to him.  _I'll survive..._ He turned over in bed and stared at the wall until his tired eyelids grew heavy until he faded into sleep.

 

* * *

 

Issei wiped the cold tears from his eyes as the last bit of luggage was shoved into the trunk of Takahiro's brother's car. He took a deep breath to calm his hyperactive nerves.  _I can't freak out in front of him. Stay calm, don't cry. Stay calm, don't cry..._ The phrase repeated in Issei's head over and over like a broken record.

As the car trunk was closed, Takahiro walked over to Issei with a bittersweet smile on his face. "Thanks for coming to say goodbye." He said, and pushed his glasses up his face.  _I bet those glasses are fake. He's such a weirdo._

Issei couldn't bring himself to say anything back. He felt his chest tighten and struggled to think of something to say that wouldn't make Takahiro worry.

"We can Skype and stuff. I won't be disconnected from the universe or anything." Takahiro looked back up at Issei, but Issei looked away to avoid eye contact.

"Just t-text me w-w-when you land, okay?" Issei squeaked, and he cleared his throat. "And d-don't forget to b-bring me a cool souvenir." He looked up at Takahiro to flash a weak smile.

Takahiro smiled back at Issei. "Yes, Mother." He quipped with a giggle.

Issei pushed Takahiro gently, causing him to giggle even more. Suddenly, Takahiro's brother honked the car horn, and Issei frowned. "Have fun."

"I will! And don't forget to work on our English assignment." Takahiro said, and pulled Issei into a quick hug. "I'll talk to you later?"

"If 'later' is in 14 hours, then sure." Issei said with a smile, and watched as Takahiro jogged back to the car. He and Takahiro waved at each other like a bunch of idiots as the car drove away out of sight.

Issei let out a deep sigh, and walked in the other direction towards his school. As he walked, warm tears hit the frosty air and rolled down his face onto the front of his winter coat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG IM TERRIBLE
> 
> this was... REALLY hard to write. sure i could've lived without the whole panic attack part (i'm really sorry about that...) but i just wanted to capture how scared issei is of being alone and such and how much takahiro already means to him... i didn't throw it in there because i couldn't think of anything better to add or anything like that (i hope it doesn't seem like i did that). this is gonna be a HELLA sad story for quite a while. plus, I'm a fucked up human being.
> 
> i don't own ssb or skype or the glass castle (which is a v interesting book btw)... all i've got is my shitty writing lmao
> 
> if you want to see more of my ridiculous ass and the things i do instead of updating, add me on twitter @hanamatsuu!


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